You Don't Need the "Perfect" Way to Love | What's Holding Your Mars Back?
Some people simply can't approach the person they like.
They can't even take the first step.
And they're far from alone.
Generally speaking, people often point to reasons such as:
Low self-esteem
Past heartbreak or rejection
Perfectionism
Anxiety
Attachment styles (especially avoidant or anxious attachment)
From an astrological perspective, there are many possible explanations as well.
Perhaps Mars itself struggles to express its energy.
Perhaps its sign or house placement makes action more difficult.
Perhaps it's receiving challenging aspects from other planets.
Saturn may be applying the brakes.
The Moon may amplify fear and emotional insecurity.
Venus may lean toward passivity.
Pluto or Neptune may encourage idealization.
All of these can make it difficult to act.
For example,
with a strong Saturn influence,
thoughts like
"What if I fail?"
or
"Maybe I should wait for the right moment."
become stronger.
The brakes overpower the accelerator.
With the Moon,
fear of getting hurt keeps you inside your comfort zone.
With Venus,
you may find yourself thinking,
"I want them to come to me."
"I'd rather let things happen naturally."
With Pluto or Neptune,
you may idealize someone so much that you can't even approach them.
"If making a move could ruin this relationship, maybe I shouldn't move at all."
These kinds of extreme thoughts become more common.
But That's Not What I Want to Talk About Today
Of course, these planetary placements have meaning.
Perhaps your lesson is to overcome those brakes.
Or perhaps your chart is guiding you toward relationships that begin because you're naturally receptive rather than aggressive.
That depends on the entire birth chart.
So for today,
let's set that discussion aside.
Because what I really want to talk about is something else.
We've Been Taught That "Doing It Right" Is Everything
This article isn't about turning men into perfect gentlemen.
Nor is it about teaching women irresistible dating techniques.
My goal is much simpler.
I want to help you take one step toward someone you love.
Yet so many people believe:
"If I can't do it, then I'm not good enough."
Where Did These Templates Come From?
Why do we believe things like:
"A cool confession is the right way."
"Being nice is the secret to love."
"Men think this way."
"Women want that."
"My partner must be expecting this."
Where did these templates come from?
① Human Instinct
The biggest reason is probably our biological instincts.
The reproductive systems humanity has developed over thousands of years.
But that's about the body.
Not necessarily about happiness.
I've explained this in more detail here.
② Stories Are Beautiful
Another reason is the stories we love.
Manga.
Movies.
Drama.
A cool hero makes the perfect confession.
A shy protagonist finally gathers enough courage to confess at the perfect moment.
Professional creators make us feel every emotion.
That's why these stories are wonderful.
I love them too.
But at the same time,
they can quietly plant another belief.
"This is what happiness looks like."
"Only people who confess like this find love."
"If only I could become a hero like that..."
Stories are fun.
They really are.
But—
I don't need that!!
Your Mind and Your Heart Are Fighting Each Other
Without realizing it,
your mind keeps collecting rules.
"This is how I should act."
"This is what courage looks like."
Meanwhile,
your heart has its own way of loving.
Its own way of reaching out.
Eventually,
those two begin to collide.
Your mind.
Your heart.
They stop moving in the same direction.
And what happens then?
Brakes.
"Maybe I'm just not good enough."
"Why am I like this?"
Little by little,
your confidence disappears.
But ask yourself this.
Who are you trying to become?
Even if pretending to be someone else brings you happiness,
that happiness won't last forever.
Because eventually,
you'll become exhausted trying to maintain someone you were never meant to be.
That's why I want to tell you this.
It's okay to be awkward.
Express your feelings in your own way.
Approach people in a way that feels true to you.
That's the heart of this entire series.
But Going Full Throttle Isn't the Answer Either
Of course,
that doesn't mean,
"I'll just use my Mars however I want!"
Ignoring the other person's feelings,
constantly pushing yourself forward,
or endlessly trying to get their attention—
that isn't the answer either.
So next,
let's look at the opposite problem.
What happens when the brakes disappear completely?